I am in a vortex of obligation.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
