i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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