we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
