Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
