Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
