wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize