it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
