I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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