The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
