I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
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I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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