I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
