Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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