Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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