i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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