I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
