I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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