you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
