He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.