So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
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im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We need to get me chipped asap