I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
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Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...