you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"