I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter