YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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