I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i dont even know how to be here
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.