please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
