After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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