What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
