Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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