I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
