dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
