I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
