how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
