I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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