Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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