I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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