If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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