upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
