U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
