I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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