Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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