Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
