I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
