Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I touched a dick in church today
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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