Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
