as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
