I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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