Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
accomplished twins. life is a go
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
