tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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