cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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