Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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