I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
