you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
