I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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