I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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