ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
