I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
