I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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