If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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