we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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