Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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