Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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