Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
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