what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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