Will you blow on my dice?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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