i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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