Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
