I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
high people should be assigned attendants
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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