I swear she didn't look like that last week.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
