good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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