Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
