I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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