I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
