Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
