I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
