i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
