Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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