Just cropdusted the office
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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