I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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