): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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