god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
