1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize