He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
